Violence

Violence is NEVER the victim’s fault

The perpetrator ALWAYS bears responsibility for their actions

Remember that you have gone through an almost unbearable experience and survived it. This means you possess incredible strength, so keep that in mind at all times. All your feelings and the consequences you experience are normal reactions to abnormal situations.

Am I a victim of sexual abuse?

If someone forces you to do something sexual, it is sexual abuse. This can include anything from touching genitals to sexual intercourse. If someone sexually harasses you with words, that is also sexual abuse.

It doesn’t matter if the person committing the abuse is your partner, it is still abuse. Most people who experience sexual abuse know the person who committed it.

Examples of sexual abuse include:

Kissing or touching against your will.
Sexual words or gestures against your will.
Having intercourse when you cannot say no, for example, because you are under the influence of alcohol/drugs or are asleep.
Refusing to use a condom or removing it without telling you.
Mocking or threatening you if you do not want to do something related to sex, such as watching porn or inviting others to join in sex.
Threatening to show others nude or sexual pictures of you, for example to get you hand over money or more pictures.
Pressuring you to send nude photos of yourself.
Sending you nude photos even though you do not want them.
Rape or attempted rape.

Am I a perpetrator of sexual abuse?

Sexual abuse is defined as crossing another person’s boundaries.

You are not respecting boundaries if you:

Pressure your partner to do things they do not want to do or make them feel guilty.
Make your partner feel like they owe you sex, for example, because you gave them a gift, took them on a date, or did them a favor.
React poorly (with anger, sadness, or frustration) when your partner says no to something or does not give their consent immediately.
Ignore expressed boundaries or other physical signs that consent is not present (e.g., if the other person pulls away or pushes you away). Note that consent for sex can be withdrawn at any point, even if it was given earlier.
Try to have or go through with intercourse with someone who has not given permission or has said no.
Have sex or do sexual acts to someone who is unconscious due to alcohol or is asleep.

Where can I seek help?

Emergency line - 112

The Emergency Line can direct you to a special emergency care center for sexual assault. It is always open, and there is no cost to go there.

At the Emergency care, nurses, psychologists, and doctors are available to help with both mental and physical health. You can also receive assistance from a lawyer or legal advocate.

Evidence is collected that can be used if you decide to press charges. To increase the chances of finding evidence, it is important to go as soon as possible and not to wash yourself or your clothes before arriving.

tel. 112 or 543-1000

Email:

Stígamót

Stígamót offers counseling and self-help groups for people who have experienced sexual abuse. It doesn’t matter if the abuse happened a long time ago; you can always come to Stígamót, and it is free of charge. Counseling is also available for family members.

You can choose between a male or female counselor. On the website, you can also find online counseling where a counselor is available during opening hours.

Stígamót does not accept children or teenagers under the age of 18, as the child protection services are responsible for assistance and services for this group. Exceptions can be made if you are under 18 and your case is already known within the child protection system. You can use online counseling regardless of your age, but it is always best for the case to be handled by child protection services.

tel. 562-6868

Email: stigamot@stigamot.is

1717 - Red Cross Help Line

You can call 1717 or use the online chat if you want to talk to someone. You can reach out about anything on your mind. You can receive support, advice, a listening ear, and information. Both the phone service and the online chat are free of charge.

tel. 1717

Heimilisfriður - for perpetrators of violence

If you are over 18 and either perpetrate or think you might be perpetrating violence, you can get help from Heimilisfriður. Heimilisfriður helps those who need help to stop using violence against their partner.

The Heimilisfriður website, with all the information, can be found here.

tel. 555-3020

Taktu skrefið - psychologists

Taktu Skrefið is a group of psychologists who assist people concerned about their sexual behavior or who have committed sexual abuse. If you think you might have committed sexual abuse, are worried about your sexual behaviour, or have received feedback about questionable behaviour or harassment, seek help to change it.

Email: taktuskrefid@taktuskrefid.is

Your primary care physisian or personal psychologist

It is important not to keep your experience of violence to yourself. If you do not feel comfortable with the resources listed above, a good starting point is to talk to someone you trust—family, a teacher, a friend, a doctor, a psychologist.